I may have miscalculated

I think I just had the kind of experience people refer to as epiphenic. I think I had an epiphany. It's 8 PM right now more or less; I got home from work around 4. I watched the Simpsons, made dinner, watched more Simpsons then read for a little while. It turns out I was reading the best goddamned book of all time. Shannon wanted to go to a coffeeshop, and after our usual rigamarole I decided I probably did too, so I stood up. It hit me then. I didn't feel a trace of the shittiness I felt at work today, that whole period of my life seems really far away. There's a radical disconnect between my work life and my life after work. That is good I think.
 
It also explains some things that weren't explained very well by my rambling sociological commentary of a few days ago. Like why I only feel pressed to get a new job whilst at my current job.
 
I think what put this contrast into such stark relief was what a staggeringly shitty day I had today. I mentioned that the bossman more or less read me the riot act in the passive aggressive way businessmen do business. Today he more or less hovered the entire day. Hovered around me. His desk is close to mine and he was probably just doing all the things he normally does, but all those mundane actions took on a sinister palor. All the things I thought were funny or quaintly annoying were now cunning devices of torture. His jokes made me want to put the sharp ends of pencils in my ears. His whistling made me want to drown myself in the toilet. He asked me, at one point, what I'd taken care of today; I told him. He replied, "Alright, keep going."
 
No fucking shit Rob.
 
I wanted to turn my lungs inside out screaming that. All I could manage was, "Okay."
 
I think work today was just perceptibly worse than other days, but today I was forced to own up to it. I was good at this job once, and I enjoyed it. Now I don't, but not because I'm not good at it anymore. I'm not good at it anymore because I hate it. That makes this job the most torturous prospect I've ever faced. Bills make it worse. I have lots of them.
 
Bills are the kinds of thing you get yourself into when you think your life is going to be great from now on. They're the kinds of thing that really suck when you realize just how bad your life has become. You realize how much you despise the thing that helps you pay your bills, which was also the thing you got the bills for in the first place. To have something to spend your money on.
 
I have an apartment, a car, insurance for that car. I have a cellphone. I have loan payments from college. College helped me learn how to articulate all of this, and in a round about way forced me into the situation I'm now articulating my feelings for.
 
Now I want to go back to college to better learn to articulate myself. I can only assume this will lead to a situation I'll despise even more but that I'll be much better prepared to articulate. 
 
Right now I sound a lot like Kurt Vonnegut, who wrote the best goddamned book of all time. This is why I don't think I'll ever be able to write anything. I end up emulating whomever I'm reading at the moment.
 
I was going to write all about how my epiphany changed the way I look at my life. I was then going to explain exactly what that life was really like. I was going to use a lot of big words. I don't really want to do that anymore, so I'll say I feel bad when I'm at work, but when I leave, it's like I'm never there.
 
I said before that I thought that was a good thing, but now I think it's the worst thing possible.
 
Some kids in Middle school used to make fun of me every day for years. This made me feel like shit and I used to throw up a lot. Two or three of them were especially bad. Ten years later one of them asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding. I said "yes, of course." I became their friend when I started treating other people like shit.
 
A similar thing happened in college, with similar results.
 
I forget things too easily.